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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Babies Playing With Poop
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Babies Playing With Poop
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Babies Playing With Poop
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Babies Playing With Poop
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Babies Playing With Poop
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Babies Playing With Poop
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Babies Playing With Poop
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Babies Playing With Poop
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Babies Playing With Poop
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. Babies Playing With Poop
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Babies Playing With Poop
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Babies Playing With Poop
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Babies Playing With Poop
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Babies Playing With Poop
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Babies Playing With Poop
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.