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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should agree to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Baby Falls Asleep Nursing Then Wakes Up When Put Down
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