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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Baby Hates Baths
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Baby Hates Baths
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Baby Hates Baths
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Baby Hates Baths
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Baby Hates Baths
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Baby Hates Baths
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Baby Hates Baths
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Baby Hates Baths
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Baby Hates Baths
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Baby Hates Baths
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Baby Hates Baths
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Baby Hates Baths
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby Hates Baths
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Hates Baths
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Baby Hates Baths
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