Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Baby Hitting Mom
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Baby Hitting Mom
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Baby Hitting Mom
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Baby Hitting Mom
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might appear to work temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Baby Hitting Mom
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Baby Hitting Mom
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Baby Hitting Mom
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Baby Hitting Mom
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Baby Hitting Mom
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Baby Hitting Mom
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Baby Hitting Mom
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Baby Hitting Mom
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Baby Hitting Mom
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Hitting Mom
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Baby Hitting Mom
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.