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When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Baby Hitting
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Baby Hitting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Baby Hitting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Baby Hitting
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Baby Hitting
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Baby Hitting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Baby Hitting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and more common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Baby Hitting
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Baby Hitting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Baby Hitting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Baby Hitting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Baby Hitting
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Baby Hitting
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Hitting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Baby Hitting
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