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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Baby Jealousy
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Baby Jealousy
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Baby Jealousy
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Baby Jealousy
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Baby Jealousy
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Baby Jealousy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting results than strict control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Baby Jealousy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Baby Jealousy
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Baby Jealousy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Baby Jealousy
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Baby Jealousy
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Baby Jealousy
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Baby Jealousy
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Jealousy
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Baby Jealousy
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