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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (and much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Baby Keeps Hitting His Own Head
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.