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When I first became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Baby Screams During Diaper Change
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Baby Screams During Diaper Change
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Baby Screams During Diaper Change
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Baby Screams During Diaper Change
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Baby Screams During Diaper Change
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Baby Screams During Diaper Change
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Baby Screams During Diaper Change
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby Screams During Diaper Change
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Baby Screams During Diaper Change
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.