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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Baby Suddenly Hates Diaper Changes
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