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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Baby To Teen
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Baby To Teen
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Baby To Teen
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development Baby To Teen
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Baby To Teen
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Baby To Teen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Baby To Teen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Baby To Teen
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Baby To Teen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Baby To Teen
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Baby To Teen
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Baby To Teen
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby To Teen
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Baby To Teen
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Baby To Teen
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