Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Baby Won’t Eat Cereal
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.