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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Bad Behavior In School Kindergarten
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