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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Bad Kids In Class
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Bad Kids In Class
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Bad Kids In Class
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Bad Kids In Class
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Bad Kids In Class
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Bad Kids In Class
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Bad Kids In Class
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Bad Kids In Class
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Bad Kids In Class
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Bad Kids In Class
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Bad Kids In Class
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Bad Kids In Class
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Bad Kids In Class
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Bad Kids In Class
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Bad Kids In Class
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.