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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Behavior Chart Morning Afternoon End Of Day
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.