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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Behavior Management At Home
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Behavior Management At Home
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Behavior Management At Home
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Behavior Management At Home
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Behavior Management At Home
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Behavior Management At Home
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Behavior Management At Home
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Behavior Management At Home
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Behavior Management At Home
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Behavior Management At Home
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Behavior Management At Home
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Behavior Management At Home
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Behavior Management At Home
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Behavior Management At Home
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Behavior Management At Home
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.