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When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Behavior Strategies For Preschoolers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.