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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Being A Strict Parent
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Being A Strict Parent
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Being A Strict Parent
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development Being A Strict Parent
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Being A Strict Parent
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Being A Strict Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Being A Strict Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also much more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Being A Strict Parent
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … Being A Strict Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Being A Strict Parent
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Being A Strict Parent
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Being A Strict Parent
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Being A Strict Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Being A Strict Parent
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Being A Strict Parent
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