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When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Best Baby Books For Parents
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Best Baby Books For Parents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Best Baby Books For Parents
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Best Baby Books For Parents
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Baby Books For Parents
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Best Baby Books For Parents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Best Baby Books For Parents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Best Baby Books For Parents
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Best Baby Books For Parents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Best Baby Books For Parents
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Best Baby Books For Parents
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Best Baby Books For Parents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Baby Books For Parents
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Baby Books For Parents
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Best Baby Books For Parents
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.