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When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Best Child Development Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Best Child Development Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Best Child Development Books
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Best Child Development Books
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Child Development Books
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Best Child Development Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Best Child Development Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Best Child Development Books
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Best Child Development Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Best Child Development Books
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Best Child Development Books
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Best Child Development Books
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Best Child Development Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Child Development Books
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Best Child Development Books
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