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When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Best Child Rearing Books
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Best Child Rearing Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Best Child Rearing Books
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Best Child Rearing Books
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Child Rearing Books
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Best Child Rearing Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that cooperation always yields better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Best Child Rearing Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Best Child Rearing Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next example … Best Child Rearing Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Best Child Rearing Books
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Best Child Rearing Books
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Best Child Rearing Books
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Child Rearing Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Child Rearing Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Best Child Rearing Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.