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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Best Christian Books On Parenting
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Best Christian Books On Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Best Christian Books On Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Best Christian Books On Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Christian Books On Parenting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Best Christian Books On Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. Best Christian Books On Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Best Christian Books On Parenting
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Best Christian Books On Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Best Christian Books On Parenting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Best Christian Books On Parenting
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Best Christian Books On Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Best Christian Books On Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Christian Books On Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Best Christian Books On Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.