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When I first came to be a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Best Christian Parenting Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Best Christian Parenting Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Best Christian Parenting Books
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Best Christian Parenting Books
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Christian Parenting Books
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Best Christian Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Christian Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Best Christian Parenting Books
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion under it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following scenario … Best Christian Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Best Christian Parenting Books
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Best Christian Parenting Books
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Best Christian Parenting Books
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Best Christian Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Christian Parenting Books
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Best Christian Parenting Books
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