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When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Best Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Best Discipline
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Best Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Best Discipline
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Discipline
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Best Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Best Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Best Discipline
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion under it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Best Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Best Discipline
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Best Discipline
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anyone to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Best Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Best Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Discipline
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Best Discipline
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