Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Best Parenting Baby Books
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Best Parenting Baby Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Best Parenting Baby Books
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Best Parenting Baby Books
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Parenting Baby Books
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Best Parenting Baby Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Baby Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Best Parenting Baby Books
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Best Parenting Baby Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Best Parenting Baby Books
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Best Parenting Baby Books
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Best Parenting Baby Books
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Best Parenting Baby Books
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Parenting Baby Books
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Best Parenting Baby Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.