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When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (and more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we have to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Best Parenting Books For Baby’s First Year
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.