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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Best Parenting Books For Fathers
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Best Parenting Books For Fathers
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles bring about healthy child development Best Parenting Books For Fathers
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Best Parenting Books For Fathers
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Best Parenting Books For Fathers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Best Parenting Books For Fathers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Best Parenting Books For Fathers
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For Fathers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Best Parenting Books For Fathers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.