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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Best Parenting Books For New Dads
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Best Parenting Books For New Dads
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Best Parenting Books For New Dads
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Parenting Books For New Dads
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Best Parenting Books For New Dads
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Best Parenting Books For New Dads
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Best Parenting Books For New Dads
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For New Dads
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Best Parenting Books For New Dads
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.