Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Best Parenting Books For Preschoolers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.