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When I first became a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• A lot of upset children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Best Parenting Books For Single Moms
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.