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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a key feeling below it
• Most angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Best Parenting Books For Strong Willed Toddlers
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.