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When I initially became a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Best Parenting Websites
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Best Parenting Websites
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Best Parenting Websites
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Best Parenting Websites
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Parenting Websites
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Best Parenting Websites
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Parenting Websites
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and also more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Best Parenting Websites
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Best Parenting Websites
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Best Parenting Websites
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Best Parenting Websites
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Best Parenting Websites
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Best Parenting Websites
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Best Parenting Websites
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Best Parenting Websites
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