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When I first came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Best Toddler Parenting Books
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Best Toddler Parenting Books
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Best Toddler Parenting Books
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Best Toddler Parenting Books
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Toddler Parenting Books
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Best Toddler Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Toddler Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Best Toddler Parenting Books
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Best Toddler Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as an individual. Best Toddler Parenting Books
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Best Toddler Parenting Books
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Best Toddler Parenting Books
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Best Toddler Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Toddler Parenting Books
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Best Toddler Parenting Books
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.