Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Best Way To Discipline Your Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Best Way To Discipline Your Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Best Way To Discipline Your Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mommy or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling under it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Best Way To Discipline Your Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Best Way To Discipline Your Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.