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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Birds And Bees Talk
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Birds And Bees Talk
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Birds And Bees Talk
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development Birds And Bees Talk
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Birds And Bees Talk
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Birds And Bees Talk
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Birds And Bees Talk
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Birds And Bees Talk
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Birds And Bees Talk
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Birds And Bees Talk
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Birds And Bees Talk
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Birds And Bees Talk
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Birds And Bees Talk
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Birds And Bees Talk
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Birds And Bees Talk
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