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When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Bless You My Child Slap
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Bless You My Child Slap
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Bless You My Child Slap
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Bless You My Child Slap
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Bless You My Child Slap
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Bless You My Child Slap
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Bless You My Child Slap
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Bless You My Child Slap
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Bless You My Child Slap
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Bless You My Child Slap
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Bless You My Child Slap
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Bless You My Child Slap
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Bless You My Child Slap
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Bless You My Child Slap
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Bless You My Child Slap
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