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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Blog Parenting
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Blog Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Blog Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Blog Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Blog Parenting
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Blog Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Blog Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Blog Parenting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Blog Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Blog Parenting
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Blog Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Blog Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Blog Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Blog Parenting
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. Blog Parenting
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