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When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to fix the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Book On Parenting Peaceful Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.