Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Books For Parenting
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Books For Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Books For Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Books For Parenting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Books For Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Books For Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Books For Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Books For Parenting
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Books For Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Books For Parenting
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Books For Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Books For Parenting
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Books For Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Books For Parenting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Books For Parenting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.