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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Bossy 4 Year Old
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Bossy 4 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Bossy 4 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Bossy 4 Year Old
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Bossy 4 Year Old
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Bossy 4 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently yields much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Bossy 4 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Bossy 4 Year Old
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion below it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next example … Bossy 4 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we must agree to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Bossy 4 Year Old
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Bossy 4 Year Old
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Bossy 4 Year Old
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Bossy 4 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Bossy 4 Year Old
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Bossy 4 Year Old
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