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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Boy Listening
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Boy Listening
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Boy Listening
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy child development Boy Listening
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Boy Listening
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Boy Listening
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Boy Listening
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Boy Listening
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next example … Boy Listening
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you value them as a person. Boy Listening
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Boy Listening
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to settle the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Boy Listening
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Boy Listening
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Boy Listening
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Boy Listening
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.