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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Boy Peed Pants
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Boy Peed Pants
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Boy Peed Pants
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reading material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Boy Peed Pants
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Boy Peed Pants
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Boy Peed Pants
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Boy Peed Pants
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Here are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to assist you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Boy Peed Pants
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Boy Peed Pants
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as a person. Boy Peed Pants
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Boy Peed Pants
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Boy Peed Pants
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Boy Peed Pants
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Boy Peed Pants
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Boy Peed Pants
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.