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When I initially came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Brain Palm
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Brain Palm
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Brain Palm
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas bring about healthy child development Brain Palm
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. However long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Brain Palm
Initially, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Brain Palm
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Brain Palm
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually simpler (and more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Brain Palm
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main feeling below it
• Many mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Brain Palm
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Brain Palm
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Brain Palm
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Brain Palm
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Brain Palm
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Brain Palm
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Brain Palm
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