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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Brat Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Brat Child
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Brat Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Brat Child
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Brat Child
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Brat Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Brat Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Brat Child
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Brat Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Brat Child
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Brat Child
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Brat Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Brat Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Brat Child
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Brat Child
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.