Bratty Kids – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Bratty Kids
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Bratty Kids

There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Bratty Kids

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Bratty Kids

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Bratty Kids

Bratty Kids

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Bratty Kids

Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Bratty Kids

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued

• Helping kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than plain external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Bratty Kids

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Identify the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly simpler (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Bratty Kids

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it

• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Bratty Kids

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we should want to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Bratty Kids

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Bratty Kids

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Bratty Kids

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Bratty Kids

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Bratty Kids

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Bratty Kids


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