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When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Brother And Sister Fight
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Brother And Sister Fight
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Brother And Sister Fight
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Brother And Sister Fight
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Brother And Sister Fight
First, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Brother And Sister Fight
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently yields much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Brother And Sister Fight
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Brother And Sister Fight
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Brother And Sister Fight
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Brother And Sister Fight
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Brother And Sister Fight
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Brother And Sister Fight
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Brother And Sister Fight
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Brother And Sister Fight
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Brother And Sister Fight
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.