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When I first came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Brother And Sister Rivalry
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Brother And Sister Rivalry
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Brother And Sister Rivalry
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Brother And Sister Rivalry
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Brother And Sister Rivalry
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Brother And Sister Rivalry
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Brother And Sister Rivalry
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as more common in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Brother And Sister Rivalry
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling beneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Brother And Sister Rivalry
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Brother And Sister Rivalry
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Brother And Sister Rivalry
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Brother And Sister Rivalry
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Brother And Sister Rivalry
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Brother And Sister Rivalry
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Brother And Sister Rivalry
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