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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blog posts regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts cause healthy child development Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (as well as more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Calm And Peaceful Parenting Styles
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.