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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas cause healthy child development Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• Many mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we need to want to give first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Can Babies Have Bad Dreams
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