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When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Can Babies Have Nightmares At 3 Months
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