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When I first became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Cell Phone Safety For Kids
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Cell Phone Safety For Kids
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Cell Phone Safety For Kids
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Cell Phone Safety For Kids
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Cell Phone Safety For Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy shares to assist you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … Cell Phone Safety For Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Cell Phone Safety For Kids
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Cell Phone Safety For Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Cell Phone Safety For Kids
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